EFT helps Jenny Johnston’s client move quickly from seemingly overwhelming feelings of abandonment to smiling and looking forward to an exciting new life.
By Jenny Johnston
EFT Case Study — Sally
Feelings of abandonment, sadness, worthlessness.
Client History — Sally, (not her real name), is a 48 year old cook with 2 adult children who do not live with her. Her husband left her 2 and a half years ago (which surprised her, her friends and her family — no-one saw it coming) and her father left when she was 5 years old. She lives alone and has a history of drinking one and a half bottles of wine a day and smokes marijuana daily (since her husband left her). She came to me wanting to rid herself of her x-husband memories that haunted her daily and made her cry.
Rapport/What to expect — Sally had found my brochure on a noticeboard at a local Post Office and rang me the week before the appointment. I explained on the phone how EFT would benefit her from the emotionally charged memories and feelings she was experiencing about her husband leaving, which led to her wine drinking and smoking.
When she arrived, I smiled and offered her a chair and a drink of water and asked her to complete my ‘Confidential Client Information’ Form. I also completed her genogram, which told me a lot about her family background (as explained in client history) and I completed a “Luscher Colour Assessment” with her also, which told me that she wanted change, had difficulty with a relationship and had had heartbreak in the past. It also said that she wanted happiness, joy and energy in her life but was stopped because of a lack of peace around her physical self, the body, the home, feeling grounded. (She felt that to be all very accurate).
I explained to her a little about how EFT works (the science of it) and gave her examples of how it had worked on past clients who had similar issues and on Vietnam Veterans, who had been able to take the emotional charge and accompanying physical symptoms out of their war memories. She was keen to get started. I began by showing her all the meridian points and by telling her that when we tapped, she was to follow me and say what I say but to change what I was saying if she wanted to make it more real/true for her. I asked her to notice what thoughts, feelings and memories came up for her and their intensity, as we tapped so that we could discuss them at the end of the tapping rounds.
EFT Session — I asked Sally what emotions she was feeling at the moment and to rate them out of 10. She replied – Abandonment (10/10), Sadness (8/10) and Worthlessness (9/10).
We began with abandonment (as it was the highest), however, I explained to her that they were all probably linked and that as we worked on one, she may find that the others come down in intensity too (generalisation). When I asked where she felt ‘abandonment’, she replied in her head, chest and shoulders. I asked her to describe what colour and shape it had, if it had a colour and a shape. She described it as a heavy, dark purple blob.
So we began tapping generally on ‘abandonment’ by doing a few rounds of —
CC Point – Even though I have this dark purple, heavy blob of abandonment in my head, chest and shoulders, I deeply and completely love and accept myself x3.
Then reminder phrases —
This dark purple, heavy blob of abandonment in my head, chest and shoulders,
I’m willing to look at how it got there now,
It’s time I look at this abandonment issue once and for all and deal with it so it no longer affects my life,
I choose to get to the bottom of it and find a positive outcome,
I choose to consider being able to release it.
After a few rounds, I asked her to take a deep breath, to rate her abandonment now (8/10) and to tell me what memories had come up for her. She said that she cries every second night thinking about her x-husband and when he left her. I asked her what was the strongest memory of abandonment in relation to her husband leaving her (getting more specific). She told me about the specifics of the night he told her he was leaving and that he didn’t love her anymore. I asked her to rate that specific memory — it was 10/10. I asked her to describe that memory to me in detail and to tell me where the crescendo of emotion was (it was when he said that he didn’t love her anymore). I asked her if she was feeling sadness and worthlessness with this memory too and she replied that all 3 were 10/10.
As I asked her to describe where each of these were in her body and their colour, it was not surprising to find that they were all in the head, chest, heart, shoulders and were similar colours. So we tapped a few rounds on these feelings, shapes, colours and emotions in the body and then went into the specifics of the Movie technique and that memory of when her husband left, telling her that he didn’t love her anymore.
CC Point – Even though my husband said that he doesn’t love me anymore and he left me and I didn’t see it coming and neither did anyone else, I deeply and completely love and accept myself anyhow.
Even though I feel this ‘I don’t love you anymore’ feeling in my head, heart and shoulders, I love and accept myself anyhow.
Even though my husband left me because he didn’t love me anymore and I made that mean that I’m worthless and abandoned, he left because he left and that’s all and I love and accept myself deeply and completely.
Reminder phrases —
My husband left me;
he said he didn’t love me anymore;
I didn’t see it coming;
it surprised everyone;
I couldn’t believe he was leaving me;
I was taken by surprise;
this surprised feeling of abandonment in my head, shoulders, heart and chest;
I feel abandoned and worthless;
this sad, abandoned feeling,
my husband left me;
I’m all alone;
this worthless, abandoned feeling,
this dark purple abandoned feeling when my husband left me,
when he said that he doesn’t love me;
it reminds me of when my Dad left me when I was 5;
why do people I love leave me;
this remaining feeling of being abandoned by my husband;
I made it mean that I was worthless;
my husband left because he left and HE didn’t love me anymore and I made it mean that I was abandoned and worthless;
this remaining, sad, worthless abandonment I decided to feel when my husband left.
I asked her to take a deep breath and drink some water and to describe abandonment, sadness, worthlessness in her body now and rate it again in relation to her husband leaving and saying that he didn’t love her anymore. She was smiling a little and said that abandonment, sadness and worthlessness was now down to 5/10 when thinking about her husband but now she was feeling abandoned, sad and worthless from her Dad leaving when she was 5 (Core Issue). (I decided to go straight to the Core Issue of her Dad leaving and to come back to her husband leaving her after as it would most likely come down in intensity from working on the core issue with her Dad.)
I asked her to rate these feelings in relation to her Dad and the memory of him leaving and they were all back up to 8/10 (Core issue). I asked her where she felt them in her body and she said that it was now a dark smoky grey colour in her ‘tummy’ (a 5 year old version of stomach).
So we began tapping on the Movie memory of her Dad leaving and her feelings of being abandoned and how her Mum had for years told them that their Dad abandoned them, tapping on the memories and the colours and feelings in her tummy. The feelings of abandonment, sadness and worthlessness were now down to 4/10 and I began to bring in re-frames to the following rounds such as,
Even though my Dad left me, he must have loved me to call me out to the car to say Goodbye; Even though my Dad left me, he gave us the best life he could by leaving as he was a gambler and a drinker and abused Mum and us (she offered this part);
My Dad loved me so much that he left me and my brother and sister and my Mum to give us a better life;
he loved us so much that he did the best thing he could for us by leaving;
we had a wonderful life after that with a new Dad;
I may even be able to forgive and thank my Dad for loving us so much to leave us and let us have a better life;
my Dad left us to let us have a wonderful life and we did;
I am grateful to my Dad for leaving us;
my Dad loved me enough to leave me.
Sally was smiling now and when I asked her to say out loud, “My Dad abandoned me” and to rate it out of 10, she said it and smiled and said “My Dad abandoned me” and then she said my Dad left me because he loved me and I feel no abandonment or sadness or worthlessness. In fact, I forgive him for leaving and I’m grateful for the great life we were able to have because he had gone.(cognitive shift).
I asked her to tune into the memory again (and close her eyes) of her Dad leaving her and saying Goodbye and him driving off and to see if the charge went up at all. She said that it didn’t. I then asked her to tune into her husband leaving and to rate feelings of abandonment, sadness and worthlessness. She said that she couldn’t feel any of them. I asked her to say out loud, “My husband left me and he said that he didn’t love me”. She did so and smiled and said that he left me and that’s all, she had 1/10 sadness but that’s all. We did a further few rounds on looking forward to an exciting life now that she was clear to have love in her life again as her x-husband had provided a clearing for her to now have. She tapped that she was grateful for the love that they had shared in the past and for the 2 great children they had had together and that now she was free to look forward to someone new coming into her life just as a really great, new Dad had come into her life after her Dad had left.
After these last few rounds of tapping, she was yawning and couldn’t get the smile off her face. (Big shifts from when she had come in).
I let her know that if other memories or feelings came up during the week (I described peeling the onion layers and ‘aspects’) at home before our next session, to tap on the feelings and memories as homework and that next week we would have a Matrix Re-imprinting session for her 5 year old Echo (I explained about Matrix Re-imprinting) and she left smiling, feeling empowered and looking forward to our next session.
Jenny is an EFT Universe Trainer in Melbourne, Australia. Jenny is also a Matrix Reimprinting Practitioner, a Clinical Hypnotherapist and an Occupational Therapist and loves to work with Veterans with PTSD and others who have traumatic backgrounds. Email Jenny and visit her website.