By R. Wilkes
The truth is that when things go wrong, we need to feel that we're not alone, so we turn to trusted friends and family to let off steam and to be comforted. It's a natural part of being human; most of us have been expressing our pain this way since we were children.
What I call "griping" is just a way to retell a story with emotional intensity. And there is scientific proof that this can help us.
Recent brain studies show that there's an opportunity when we relive an experience to have the stored emotions of that experience heal--or become even more intense. As we recall the story and feel the emotions in our body, our brain is making a decision--one that can go either way.
Let's say the story that we're telling is one in which we feel alone and unsupported.
If we tell this story to a friend who is loving, present, kind, and comforting, chances are that our primitive emotional brain will no longer feel alone and unsupported, right? In the process of telling the story, we heal the emotional intensity.
This is the ideal outcome.
However, how often has it happened that in the process of telling and retelling an intense story, explaining about how you were "done wrong" by someone else, you find that after the second or third or fourth retelling that the pain is now more intense than it was right after it happened?
This is the risk of sharing our painful experiences with others, whether they are professional counselors or not. Unless you are using a technique that consistently allows you to eliminate and then harmonize the emotional intensity, you run the risk of intensifying the experience rather than healing it and this is where EFT tapping can help.
I always suggest to others to use EFT while they gripe--to Tap while they complain.
Tapping every time you tell a story that has negative emotional intensity and pretty soon, you'll probably notice you have a lot less in your life to gripe about.
Here's how you start:
You've had a bad day. You want to feel that there's someone out there that understands you, that cares about you, that takes your side. So you pick up the phone, and you call your best friend.
Start tapping, and tap continuously while you talk:
(Tapping on the Karate Chop Point) Ring.... Ring... Hello?
(Tapping on the Eyebrow Point) Oh I'm so glad I reached you.
(Tapping on the Side of the Eye) I have had such a terrible day!
(Tapping Under the Eye) I really need someone to talk to.
(Tapping Under the Nose) Do you have a few minutes?
(Tapping on the Chin) First off this (*&^%$ boss of mine...
(Tap on the Collarbone, then Under Arm, then back to Karate Chop, etc. as you continue sharing your "gripe").
The order of the tapping points don't matter. The number of taps at each point doesn't matter. You can tap one point that feels good the whole call if you want. You can use the finger points shown in the free EFT Mini-manual. Just tap continuously while you talk. Don't stop.
Why would we do this?
We talk to others to feel better, don't we? But there are two different approaches to griping and complaining that we can take. The first is, alas, the most common. It is to gather people to our side of the upcoming war. We tell a story to make us "right" and the other party "wrong." With this plan, we must build intensity in ourselves and in others while we plan revenge (or lawsuits or divorce or other dramatic action designed so that we win and the other loses).
The other approach is to want to heal from an emotional pain, and we're mature enough to know that intensifying the fear by making us the "Victims" and others into the "Powerful Forces of True Evil" just creates war inside us, not peace.
We can make our healing far more likely if we just tap the acu-points while we express our hurt and our anger and our sadness and our feelings of being out of control. We use what has been human nature since cave folks sat around the fire--the need to tell our story to tribe members to gain their supportive energy--and we use that supportive energy in a new way that is far more likely to result in a sense of peace for all of us.
What I find is that tapping while I gripe and complain shifts my entire perspective. As the noise of the emotional disruption settles down, I am far more likely to hear my intuition guide me to steps that resolve the situation in the best possible way.
Try it for yourself.
Tap the EFT acu-points while you are on the phone; no one needs to know that you are tapping. And just notice whether you see a change that helps you feel both more peaceful and more empowered. I am confident you will.
In fact, you may find this so effective that you pick up your phone and tap while you gripe without even calling your friend. Once you get it all out of your system, then you dial, and perhaps have a very different kind of conversation.