Partnership Tapping for More Balanced Give and Take
Dear EFT Community,
Nancy Madlin discusses partnership tapping and how it can lead to a more mutual exchange in relationships and opens the door to more intimate sharing in a safe and healing way.
By Nancy Madlin
For many people, habits of overgiving and caretaking tend to create one-way relationships which can be less than satisfying. Healing these challenges for many years with EFT, so I us an EFT method I call “partnership tapping” which can serve as a gateway and energy template for more mutual energy exchange in relationships. Used with partners or friends, it opens the door to more intimate sharing in a safe and healing way. Used with clients, it can also heal support and mirroring deficits left over from childhood.
The technique is very simple:
The main EFT practitioner and the other person alternate phrases back and forth, both in the set-up round and in the later tapping as well, turning EFT into a mutual dialogue. (It can also be used in a group with more than two people in the same way, every person alternating in turn.)
In both cases, we each start with our own take on an issue, or multiple issues, and begin,
“Even though . . .”
And then move through the whole round the same way, alternating phrases back and forth.
In this example, for instance, which I did with a peer, we each simply started with one or two things which were most distinctly bothering us at the time, just like we might in a friendly conversation.
Me: “Even though when I get upset I lose faith and it can really happen a lot about money these days and I don’t know which way is up about this job thing, and even with all that, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I forgive myself completely.”
Peer: “Even though I’m really confused and compulsive around overdoing and my health and feeling not good enough around all this and not knowing what choices to make, I deeply and completely love and accept myself and I forgive myself completely.”
We then alternated back and forth through about 16 mutual rounds, venting our negative feelings and moving towards acceptance of these several themes – faith, money, jobs, comparing to other people, confusion, health, choices.
For instance, round 4, realizing what we really want:
Me: “I want to be in a positive flow about money and I want to do it a way that feels right to me and allows prosperity, even though it seems like all the people I hang out with don’t have money. I really want to just let the money come, to whatever extent is good for me, and not fall into this trap that I have to be like them.”
Peer: “I want things to be different NOW, I want rid of being triggered by groups and individuals.”
Round 9, being honest at a deeper level and processing feelings:
Me: “I have such strong emotional responses to people and I don’t know how to handle it. I just want it to be better! Even when I’m so angry, I’m still willing! And I’m so angry about money! I don’t want it to be this way about money… In theory, I have options, but none of them feel right! I’m tormented, even though I don’t want to be that way. It’s so uncomfortable here, feel so hard!”
Peer: “I’m asking for clarity around my health, and I know I’ve made massive changes but my ego so easily tells me I haven’t done anything and blah blah blah. I don’t know, I don’t know. My life is simple, it IS simple, it’s the emotional responses and impatience and fear which is behind everything which complicates stuff, and this freaking insomnia doesn’t help. I want to give that fear over… I just don’t know exactly what’s going on and why the medication stopped working. I just don’t know.”
We both started out with a SUDS of 7-8 (mine was needing to be like other people to be OK, and hers was on confusion). Simply by sharing this conversation and tapping with the intention of healing, we were down to a 4 after round 12 and about 30 minutes.
For the last 15 minutes, we did a series of
“Even though… I choose”
Me: “Even though I’m scared about what’s going to happen next month and next year, about money, I don’t always see the way, I choose to put one foot in front of the other, do the next good thing, keep asking for help, and if I’m upset, just be where I am, and take some time to be upset… trusting anyway…”
Peer: “Even though I get into these tantrums and distress driven by fear, I choose to keep doing what I’m doing, do my best to relax, trusting that I am being guided in all areas of my life and that I have so many skills and tools, that my healing process is strong and even when I don’t feel the spiritual help, You are there, my relationship with You is strong.”
As you can see, partnership tapping turns the EFT process into a conversation of deepening wisdom, as each person adds to the other’s healing while primarily focusing on him or herself. Because it exposes emotional vulnerability at the same time as tapping deeper emotional healing, it also builds intimacy and communication between people.
I’ve found this technique particularly effective for co-working on removing layers of a single topic over time. Just like in a friendship, where certain things are shared in common and often talked about, similar energy patterns tend to come up again and again in partnership EFT “conversation” and can be healed in deeper and deeper ways.
My SUDS at the end of this was a zero, she characterized hers as “totally calm.”
I’ve also used it from time to time with clients who, my intuition tells me, are ready to be more equal partners in their healings. I’ve seen the form itself heal childhood wounds such as not being heard, not feeling respected, and not feeling like an equal member of the family, as the person becomes more and more relaxed with their own authority to name their own patterns to tap on and release them, while my role shifts to helpful contributor and supporter.
Wherever I’ve used this technique, I’ve seen self-respect and self-trust increase in myself and other people, along with relationship building and expanding the use of EFT in my world.