By Nancy A. Morris
Ten people participated in a one-month long study group on “libido” and none of the participants knew what EFT was when they signed up. Three men (ages 58, 62, and 69) and 7 women (ages 52, 54, 56, 56, 56, 60, and 64) participated. Each person presented themselves as wanting to “improve their libido,” but, in many cases, it turned out there was more to the story, as you’ll see below.
Prior to starting the study or learning EFT, each person completed a questionnaire to establish a baseline to measure against at the end of the one-month study period. Here is a summary of the questions they answered:
1. What is your specific complaint about your libido?
2. Rate your libido over last 3 months (excellent, good, average, poor, or none).
3. Rate your ability to have an orgasm (always, almost always, seldom, never).
4. Average frequency of sex over last 3 months.
5. Your level of “turn on” when you have sex.
6. Medications you take that affect libido.
7. Are you taking hormones? (Don’t stop or start them during the study)
8. Can you imagine a reason that you would NOT want a strong libido?
My intention was to have each participant fill out a very similar questionnaire at the end of the month. However, based on the actual issues they had, that turned out not to be feasible (you’ll understand why if you read on). Instead I asked each participant this multiple-choice question at the end of the month:
Evaluating your specific complaint when you started this month, how has it changed?
– I noticed no change at all in the specific issue I was working on (0% change)
– I think there is a little improvement in my specific issue (25% change)
– I’m happy to report moderate improvement in my situation (50% change)
– I’m delighted to say I note marked improvement in my situation (75% change)
– I feel I attained excellent improvement in my situation and I’m ecstatic! (greater than 75%)
– I stopped doing EFT and dropped out of the study for the following reason:
- No Change …………………….1
- Little Improvement ……………1
- Moderate Improvement …….. 4
- Marked Improvement ………..1
- Excellent Improvement ………3
- Dropped Out ………………… 0
- Total …………………………10
As you can see, 80% of those participating reported a 50% or greater improvement in their issue. No one dropped out of the study. Participants reported tapping between 1 to 3 times per day and 5 to 7 days per week. (They were asked to tap 3 times a day, 7 days a week if possible.)
Each person filled out their questionnaire and set up an initial appointment. All participants were new to EFT. The initial appointment was about one hour where we discussed their particular issue, looked for underlying causes (for example, anger at spouse) or hidden benefits (for example, having more time available to do other things). Each person was taught how to do the shortened version of EFT tapping (no nine gamut or finger tapping). Then we would work together to establish phrases very specific to this individual’s problem, desired change, and outcome.
Each person left their appointment with instructions on how to tap, a tapping chart, and their personal tapping phrases covering their particular “problem” (i.e., cannot talk easily about sex with my partner so can’t ask for anything), the new “choice” about how they WANT to feel (i.e., I choose to feel comfortable saying what feels good during sex), and a final statement asking their body for something specific (i.e., I ask my body to create more sexual energy).
These statements were very different for each person. I would offer suggestions to get started and then we would incorporate their own language. After all, we all use different words inside our head than we do when we speak to others, especially about sex. I call this our internal language and find it’s critical when doing EFT to use our own words, no matter how coarse. Each participant was encouraged to call me if they had any questions or felt their EFT phrases were no longer applicable. Only half contacted me for further help.
Details of each participant’s issue and their individual results follow:
Participant A: Stated Issue: “Pain and lack of intensity in cumming” since prostate cancer/biopsies. Outcome: Fear of painful ejaculation dropped away. Pleasure and intensity during sex and ejaculation went from a 2 on a scale of 0 to 10 to a 10+. Participant rated results achieved as “greater than 75% improvement”.
Participant B: Stated Issue: “No libido” due to taking several strong pain medications. Outcome: “The EFT program helped me get some of my libido back. I now wake up with a very hard erection most mornings. Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.
Participant C: Stated Issue: “Great difficulty knowing what I want (sexually) and, even if I know, greater difficulty asking my partner for what I want. NOTE: This participant could not say sexual words, such as penis, comfortably. Outcome: “Progress on my ability to openly say sexually related words will reap long-term benefits. Participant rated results achieved as “greater than 75% improvement”.
Participant D: Stated Issue: “Before post-menopause I had a very healthy appetite for sex. My libido has disappeared with menopause. Outcome: “I realized I don’t WANT my libido to be high and have it run my life the way it did when my hormones were raging. I am at choice now. It takes more energy to get things rolling, but I get really turned on and still love sex. Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.
Participant E: Stated Issue: “I feel turned on, I go ahead and have intercourse but I don’t feel it’s worth the time or effort to have an orgasm. NOTE: This participant said she was desensitized by more than 20 years of physical and emotional abuse. More EFT on this issue would be appropriate. Outcome: “I no longer take for granted that I am desensitized. I let in pleasurable sensations that before I did not even expect it was possible to feel. Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.
Participant F: Stated Issue: I don’t feel that longing or lust towards my partner or for sex in general like I did before menopause. Outcome: Participant still rates libido as “Poor”; reports having sex 2-3 times/week during study month. NOTE: Participant expressed fear that increased lust or longing might result in her cheating on her partner; EFT on this issue would be appropriate next step. Participant was unavailable to work on this issue. Participant rated results achieved as “I noticed changes at first, and then none at all in the specific issue I was working on. Listed as “No Change”
Participant G: Stated Issue: “I used to have orgasms; now I don’t anymore (since menopause). Outcome: “Through EFT sessions I realized I’ve been afraid of trying to have an orgasm because of 12 years of disappointment during my first marriage. Not being driven by hormones requires a little more intention to get things going, but I’m having orgasms again!” Participant rated results achieved as “greater than 75% improvement”.
Participant H: Stated Issue: “Clit not sensitive enough, not feeling horny or turned on. Outcome: “EFT helped me to focus on my sexuality and libido and to create more of a relationship with my clit. I’ve found myself thinking about sex more. NOTE: Participant reports having sex “twice a week” during the study month. Participant rated results achieved as “50% improvement”.
Participant I: Stated Issue: “No interest in sex. Outcome: “I think my lack of interest in sex was more about other issues than sex itself. Since, when I do have sex it’s always been good, sometimes great, but I wasn’t getting other needs met and I had a change after our session. Participant rated results achieved as “25% improvement”.
Participant J: Stated Issue: Wants to become comfortable “initiating sex” and to overcome “shyness and shame”. Outcome: “I started getting results within days. I have had an increased interest in sex, masturbation and have been more willing to actually do something about the desire. Participant rated results achieved as “75% improvement”
As you can see, in one short month EFT can definitely make positive changes in our sexual lives. Often, there are underlying issues, for example, physical or emotional abuse or years of unfulfilling sexual experiences, that need to be addressed. This study did not attempt to clear up all the underlying issues but more to use mechanical EFT and the Choices Method to improve each participant’s situation.