Dear EFT Community,
EFT practitioner, Iveren Ityoikaa from Nigeria helped a skeptical acquaintance overcome the trauma of early sexual abuse and regain his self-esteem and sexual function using the classic EFT Movie Technique.
By Iveren Ityoikaa
I had known my client "Andy" for about four years when one afternoon he came to me in a state of agitation. On asking him what was wrong, he said he was in a terrible fix and needed a solution quickly:
Over the past year he had gotten very active in his local church (he had been struggling to start a business with no luck) and as is the custom here ‘good church people’ are expected to be responsibly married within the community as quickly as possible.
Well Andy’s agitation was that a couple of months ago, his pastor had begun the marriage pressurizing which had recently culminated in a ‘good girl’ being presented to him as worthy wife material. Not wanting to offend the pastor and the church community he had accepted the proposal and gone ahead with the marriage arrangements.
Up until this point in the story I couldn’t understand the cause of his distress until he blurted out ‘I need a prostitute to help me.’
Naturally I was curious and asked why. It took quite some prodding but eventually he revealed that he has never been able to have a full erection and as a result has kept away from intimate relationships with women all his life.
I had wondered about this in the past - he was very good at ‘talking up’ ladies as long as they were ‘playing hard to get,’ but as soon as a lady gets interested, he actually flees. He wanted the prostitute to ‘work’ on him so that on the wedding day, he would not ‘disgrace himself, reveal his secret and not be a man’ – he asked if I knew someone that I could direct him to.
I told him that I could help but not in the way he was hoping. Andy was aware of my EFT skills but had always been strongly sceptical and sometimes even outright derisive of the process. It took almost 30 minutes to get him to be willing to try tapping – with the promise that if EFT didn’t work, I would refer him to someone with other skills.
The tapping began with the general ‘Even though I’ve never had an erection, I deeply and completely accept myself.’ Half way through I asked ‘never’? Is that true? He said he had erections when he was younger.
He then went on to reveal that he remembered having his last erection at the age of 9 (he was 34). That of course pointed me to a ‘cause issue’ and I questioned him on it. (I call it a cause issue rather than core issue because I have come across so many issues in the past that I thought were core issues only to have another ‘deeper core issue’ emerge further on. So I simply think of them now as contributing cause issues.)
At first his memory was halting, but suddenly all the memories began to flood in and he started to cry.
His story in brief is: At the age of 7 he was sexually abused by their house maid, then 2 years later at age 9 he was simultaneously abused by their neighbour’s daughter and his aunt. Eventually his mother found out about his aunt and that caused a serious family row and rift which still lasts till this day.
The emotional issues that surfaced were disgust, shame and very high SUD Level 10 for guilt because he enjoyed the act even then. We tapped on all these emotions (used the movie technique for the first abuse at age seven because he kept going to the visual of seeing her ‘so big and ugly sitting on the window sill and asking him to come over’). He was also stuck in the emotion of fear. This one took a while to collapse.
After about 40 minutes of EFT, I noticed he was beginning to get restless, discouraged and self conscious about revealing such dark secrets, so I starting fishing with consequence questions like ‘what do these events mean about the person you are’ (dirty and disgusting, undeserving, a home breaker, lustful).
It was then that I got the bingo flash: I asked him what should be a punishment for someone like that, and it came out in one go without hesitation ‘I should never enjoy sex again.’
I asked why not and he said, because he enjoyed it then and that is enough, considering all the pain it brought into the family. So (all this while still tapping) I asked him if he was aware that some men enjoy sex for 10 years of their lives – he said yes, I kept on increasing the number till I got to men in their eighties still enjoying sex after 6 decades.
Then I asked why he had decided that 2 years of sex life – and a very unfulfilling one at that - should be all his allocated ration in life, and not even properly enjoyed but stolen by older, selfish, lonely women who couldn’t get themselves real men but were so deficient sexually that they had to use a little boy. I think it was the ‘just 2 years of sex ration’ that did the trick.
He bolted up in his chair looked at me as if I had revealed the location of the holy grail, then suddenly noticed, ‘It’s rising, it’s rising!’ was all he was saying.
He jumped on his feet and started shouting on top of his voice ‘I’m a man, I’m a full man now’ and he was rejoicing so much that it brought tears to my eyes – he seemed to have grown 10 feet taller. He kept on walking round the room, talking and praising God, so that at some point I had to calm him down (the apartments are quite close).
He left a transformed person. He called later that evening to tell me that as soon as he thinks about it he gets an erection, it was unbelievable to him. He kept calling me daily for two weeks to tell me that ‘I’m still on fire’ and he has been ok ever since.
He called off the arranged wedding, left the church, started a new business and is doing well. All just from 45 minutes tapping amazing! He does not attribute to EFT his having started a successful business after 6 years of trying, but I know that the renewed personality and zest of life he got from his new outlook on life contributed to it.