Using EFT Tapping Because You Had a Mom Who Fat-Shamed You

By Dawson Church, PhD, EFT TRN-3

EFT for mom fat shaming video and article

In this EFT tapping video, Dawson Church, PhD works with an EFT workshop participant on her core belief of shame around her body image.

When she thinks back on specific events from her childhood with her mom, she remembers all of the times her mother fat-shamed her. However, her earliest memory of fat-shaming is with her grandmother coming for a visit and telling her a story about a girl who, "ate and ate and ate until she outgrew all of her pretty clothes" and then saying to her, "Wasn't that awful?"

When she was 6-years-old she went clothes shopping with her mom and how cool she thought it was that she wore size 6 clothes because the number matched her age. Once in the dressing room, however, the size 6 clothes they had gathered for her to try on didn't fit. She needed size 6x. She remembers how mad her mother was at her for not fitting in the size 6 clothes and leaving her alone in the dressing room to go find size 6x clothes.

She remembers feeling confused by being left alone, standing in her underwear in the fitting room while her mother was gone finding 6x clothes.

The tapping statement they begin with is:

"Even though I had this experience at age 6 and size 6x, I totally and completely accept Ilene as she is today and Ilene as she was back then."

Tapping reframes were:

Even though I had that miserable experience...

That miserable experience.

Age 6, 6x.

I totally and completely accept all versions of me.

5, 6, 6x, 6xx.

Me as I was then.

Me as I am now.

All versions of me.

All of them.

Did you know that if you tap along doing EFT while watching the sessions of other people, your problems improve too! Several research studies have documented this phenomenon, called Borrowing Benefits?

We invite you to Borrow Benefits with the video. On the video, instructions appear at the start of each session; you can skip through them once you're used to the procedure.

 Watch on YouTube

Borrowing Benefits

One of the most profound discoveries in EFT in the early part of the twenty-first century was the phenomenon called "Borrowing Benefits." It's the discovery that simply watching someone else do EFT on their issues, while tapping along with them, can help you reducing the emotional intensity of your own issues. Borrowing Benefits was first noted by EFT practitioners.

They reported that, rather than feeling exhausted after a day working with clients, they were energized. Their own emotional problems seemed to have melted away, even though they weren't working on the same issues as their clients.

Here are the instructions for Borrowing Benefits:

  1. Pick an issue you'd like to work on. Write down a brief name for the issue in 1 to 3 words.
  2. Rate your degree of emotional distress on a scale from 0 to 10, with 0 being no intensity and 10 being the maximum intensity. Write down your number.
  3. Identify a part of your body in which you feel the sensation associated with that number, and write down the name of that particular body location.
  4. Recall an event in your life when you felt that feeling in your body. Pick the event that occurred the earliest in your life, if possible.
  5. Start tapping through the EFT points, as soon as the video session starts, and keep tapping till the end. When the person onscreen states their issue, state your issue instead.
  6. When the video is done, usually in 5 to 20 minutes, think about the issue, tune into that same part of your body, and rate your degree of emotional distress a second time. Write down your new number.

You'll usually find your number dropping substantially. If it doesn't, then pick another specific incident in your life most identified with that feeling in your body, and repeat the process.