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How to Use EFT to Overcome Verbal Abuse

Dear EFT Community,

Expert EFT Practitioner Rob Nelson helps a client use EFT tapping for her bitterness and anger over being repeatedly traumatized by her verbally abusive ex-husband and her inability to let go of her negative feelings.

– EFT Universe


By Rob Nelson, Expert EFT Practitioner

Last week I had a chance to follow my intuition into new territory during a session. I was very happy with the results and hope this may be helpful to others.

Referred to me by her acupuncturist, “Joan” had been dealing with a very painful and bitter divorce.

She was suffering from such intense negativity; anger and bitterness, that she was in constant turmoil, in danger of losing her job, and had recently been “abandoned” by her closest friend.

It seems that Joan’s husband of twelve years, “Jake”, had become a meth addict, successfully hiding this from her for several years. Jake had become increasingly secretive and detached from her and their children. He’d also become ever more verbally abusive toward Joan.

One day she discovered that he’d managed to burn through $230,000 of equity in their property, apparently on drugs, and as she found out later, expensive prostitutes. She found out he’d been cheating on her for years.

When she eventually filed for divorce he bitterly contested it, forcing her to spend $40,000 on legal fees.

As a side note, the day she filed for divorce, her mother died unexpectedly!

Over the course of five sessions we eliminated most of her bitterness, hurt and rage. We also successfully tapped away her unresolved grief over her mother’s death and intense feelings of guilt, rejection and abandonment.

Joan quickly regained her composure and sense of humor and was able to mostly turn away from the past and begin building a new life.

Unfortunately, every month Joan would have to deal with her very hostile ex over child support money. He would bicker over petty expenses, blame her for all of his problems and verbally abuse her, on the phone and through nasty letters.

Despite the progress she’d made, Joan felt vulnerable to these attacks and re-traumatized every month. About a year after our first sessions, Joan came back, expressing a very strong desire to just “get him out of my system once and for all.”

After a very successful session dealing with current issues, my intuition kicked in with the idea of doing surrogate tapping on Jake. At first Joan was aghast. She was extremely reluctant to try it, and I had to persuade her somewhat. But ultimately she trusted me and I trusted my intuition.

I had her start by visualizing Jake near the beginning of their marriage, when things were still sweet.

She said she had a very clear picture of him in mind. Then I led her through a long round of tapping, including the top of the head and inner and outer wrist points.

I believe we used the ankle points as well:

“Even though I, Jake, absolutely hate Joan, and blame her for everything, and wish her nothing but harm, I still deeply and completely accept myself.”

“Even though I’m living in a dark cloud of negativity, anger, rage and hatred for Joan, and it’s all her fault I started using drugs in the first place…”

“Even though I hate Joan, and it’s all her fault and I’m miserable being in this dark cloud of negativity…”

Then we tapped with these reminder phrases:

“I hate Joan. It’s all her fault. I want her to suffer. I’m trapped in this dark cloud. I’m so angry and bitter. I blame everything on her. I’m miserable and it’s all her fault. She’s a total bitch and I hate her. She told on me to my family..I wish she was dead. I’m so bitter and lost.”

The round went on and on. At times Joan would seem to have a significant shift, with gasps, sighs, and exclamations. It was obviously profound for her, but when it was over and we began to discuss it, she told me that she’d had an “experience.”

She said that as soon as we began the set up statements, she began to see everything in the room very vividly, as though everything were radiating an intense light. She felt it as a spiritual experience unlike anything she’d ever felt before. I don’t know what to make of that, but when Joan came back the next week she was beaming.

Our last session had been near the end of the month, so in the meantime she’d had her monthly child support encounter with Jake.

For the first time in two years, he’d simply paid her what she asked, with no nasty note or angry phone call. This didn’t sound like much to me, but to Joan it was overwhelming evidence of success. She was ecstatic and had done some more surrogate tapping in the meantime.

Whether or not Jake was changed by our session, Joan herself opened up and made big progress toward her goal.

Since this unexpected success, I’ve begun using surrogate tapping with more of my relationship issue clients.

Tapping Deep Intimacy Introduction from EFT Universe EFT Tapping Therapy.