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EFT Tapping Clears Childhood Pattern of Not Feeling Heard

EFT Tapping Clears Childhood Pattern of Not Feeling Heard

By Sherry Rueger Banaka, Certified EFT Practitioner

Note: All names have been changed to protect the identity of the client and her relatives.

In this session, Jessie wanted to work on her anger at not being heard. She had recently had an argument with her husband, and was angry that he had cut her off to have his say without listening to her or letting her finish what she was saying. Jessie’s SUD level on anger was 8, and she said she felt like it was part of a pattern.

We tapped a Basic Recipe (BR) round, “Even though I have this anger because Jim cut me off and didn’t listen to me during that argument last week in the living room, I accept myself anyway,” with “this anger,” “Jim cut me off,” and “he didn’t listen to me” as the Reminder Phrases. Jessie’s SUD level spiked to 9 “because it brought up so many times this has happened.” She began to relay a memory from when she was about 4 years old and had wanted to play with her older sisters, who were drawing with crayons in the kitchen.

Using the Tell the Story Technique, I asked Jessie to begin telling me about that event and stop each time she felt an emotional charge or crescendo: “I walked into the kitchen and asked to play and draw with them. Then my older sister, Judy, said in a snooty voice, ‘No, we’re done! I’m not getting it all back out for you!’” First crescendo: Judy’s snooty voice, SUD 6. Jessie tapped on her 9 Gamut point and did Figure 8 eye rolls, while repeating Judy’s response; the SUD level went to 3. I had Jessie continue tapping on her 9 Gamut and do circular eye rolls while again repeating Judy’s snooty statement; the SUD on that aspect dropped to 0.

Jessie resumed telling the story from the beginning. After her sisters left, she decided to practice writing, and all she could find was a magic marker and a Kleenex to write on. Jessie’s next crescendo was fear when she saw that the word she had written, “tip,” had bled through the Kleenex onto the newly recovered kitchen chair; SUD 7. I had her rub her 9 Gamut and side of hand together, while doing eye rolls, as she said, “I feel a jolt of fear go through my body. I’m really scared. I know I’m in trouble. Dad’s going to yell at me. Everyone’s going to be mad. I better not tell anyone. I’ll just go to bed. I don’t want anybody to know what I did. I’m so scared.” Jessie’s SUD level on fear went down to 5 and moved into her solar plexus.

Tapping through the BR points, “Even though I have this remaining fear that I’m going to get in big trouble because I wrote ‘tip,’ and it went through the Kleenex and showed up on the newly recovered, dark blue chair, I am safe right here, right now. Even though I have this remaining fear, I was just trying to write and have fun and I was being creative, and I didn’t know it was going to do that, but it did, and now I am so scared I’m going to get in big trouble, I accept that’s how I feel, and I deeply and completely accept and forgive myself for that. And even though I have all this remaining fear that I’m justified to have because I knew I was going to get in trouble, and I did, that was then, and this is now. It isn’t here with me now. I’m not going to get in trouble now, and I deeply and completely love and accept that part of myself and all parts of myself.” With “this remaining fear,” “I’m so scared,” and “I’m going to get in big trouble” as the Reminder Phrases, the SUD on fear went to 0.

Continuing with Tell the Story from the beginning again, Jessie’s next crescendo was “anger at my sisters for not letting me play with them because this wouldn’t have happened if they had”; SUD 8. I asked Jessie to tap on her 9 Gamut and alternate near and far focus, while telling her sisters how she felt.

In near focus, Jessie said: “If you had just played with me, we could have had fun and none of us would have been punished. You deserved to get punished for leaving me to play all on my own and not even leaving me crayons and paper to play with.”

In far focus, “All of that happened in the past, it’s not happening now. I’m angry at past parts of my sisters, and that was then, and this is now, and it is not happening to me now.”

Then near focus: “Judy and Julia, especially Judy, I am so angry with you for not playing with me when I ask, for not paying attention to me when I need it, for putting me down, for ignoring me, and if you had just played with me that time in the kitchen, or even left me the tools, I wouldn’t have written ‘tip’ with a magic marker on a Kleenex and ruined the newly recovered kitchen chair, and none of us would have been punished, and we could have had fun instead.”

In far focus, “That was then and this is now, and I have carried all this anger at you for that, and it was justified. You deserved the punishment more than I did. It was all your doing, and I’m really mad at you for that. And even with all of that happening, I recognize now that it’s in the past. It’s not in the present. It’s an energy remnant from the past. We aren’t there anymore, and I am safe right here, right now.”

Jessie’s SUD level on anger was now 0.

Resuming the story from the beginning, Jessie’s next crescendo was “feeling not good enough, not worthy,” SUD 7; “rejection in my heart center because of Judy’s attitude,” SUD 7.

We tapped a Full BR round, “Even though Judy always made me feel stupid, and I believed her, and it’s all because of her attitude, and none of that would have happened if she had a different attitude, and even though all that happened, I am safe right here, right now. Even though Judy made me feel so stupid so often, and that time in the kitchen is a perfect example, it’s all her fault, and even though her attitude made me feel that I’m not good enough and not worthy, I can’t undo it, and I accept that it’s in the past and is over and done. She doesn’t do that to me now, and I deeply and completely love, accept and forgive her and I love, accept and forgive myself. All this sadness in my heart center, all the times Judy put me down and made me feel stupid, that attitude of hers that permeated my childhood, made me feel so stupid, unworthy, not good enough. Even though it happened, she doesn’t treat me like that anymore. It’s all in the past, I survived and we all did, and all these feelings are just remaining aspects of my past. They may have served a role to help protect me, and I don’t need that any more, and I deeply and completely love that part and all parts of myself.”

After this round, the SUD levels on all aspects were 0.

At this point, I initiated the Invisible Counselors meditation (a visualization technique) and guided Jessie into her safe place. When she came out of the meditation, she relayed the following:

Her safe place was a teepee medicine lodge, and she could see all the details of it. She was sitting on warm furs, and she could see and smell a sage fire in the center. Her power animals, Grandmother Bear, Snake, and Raven, came in through the teepee door, and her Invisible Counselors appeared: Archangel Gabriel, Mother Mary, and Yeshua. Following my instructions, Jessie asked for a symbol of her pattern of not feeling heard. She reached in and pulled it out of her heart center, and held it in her right hand. She then asked for a new symbol and held it in her left hand. The old symbol said it had been protecting her from punishment. She thanked it for its role in protecting her and asked if it was ready to let that job go. It responded that it was tired and was ready to let go. I asked Jessie to hold both symbols up in front of her, show them to each other, and see what happened. She reported they became one. The old symbol was a black tarry ball, and the new symbol was a clear 3-D snowflake. They came together and formed a shimmering, sparkling, aqua-blue, crystalline 3-D sphere, about 8 inches in diameter. Jessie put this in her heart center and thanked both symbols for their service and for joining together.

At this point, Jessie began hiccupping, and her counselors gave her a message: “Your esophageal issues are from eating your acidic words. Give yourself permission to feel your feelings fully instead of stuffing them down. Feeling them will transform the acidic quality.” When asked if there was any further guidance, her counselors said, “You have nothing to fear. Don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you feel fear and then recognize there’s nothing to be afraid of.” Jessie said, “It feels like the acidic quality was stuck in my fear of punishment.”

Feeling complete, Jessie thanked her newly transformed symbol and her counselors, and we closed the meditation with Heart Coherence (see www.heartmath.org). I instructed Jessie to see and feel her new symbol filling her entire heart, supporting her, loving her, helping her accept her fears as she moved forward, no longer fearing being punished. Letting the love from her new symbol expand into her whole body, surround and enfold her husband, her sisters, and all her loved ones; then surround the earth and expand on out to the universe with that loving, life-giving light. “This is us. This is who we are. This is where we live.”

After returning to the present and the room, Jessie said, “The whole ‘Tip’ movie is now bathed in crystalline light, together with my sisters and with Dad. I also have an awareness of having created unity with my sisters from the adversity of that event.”

Jessie reaffirmed that all her prior SUD levels were now 0. As a test, I asked her to imagine arguing with her husband. She said, “I can visualize the scene and can now see myself responding differently if he cuts me off. I’ll let him finish, and then I’ll speak.”