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EFT Essentials

Using EFT For ...

EFT Tapping for Relationship Tension: Unexpected Session


By Ashley Lindemann

I sat down for dinner with John and his aunt. I didn’t know I would be sitting down to one of the most intense EFT sessions I’ve experienced…

The two of them live together and had invited me to dinner. Toward the end, they asked me about EFT. I explained how it worked, where we tap, why we tap, and the magic it truly is.

I could almost instantly feel and see the shift in John, almost like an agitation. His aunt began to tell me of some struggles they were having and certain situations that had occurred between the two of them.

John immediately jumped in with anger, cutting her off. Beginning to cry, he revealed he had recently told her he was gay. Her reaction to him being open with her had left him feeling angry, embarrassed, and abandoned. I asked him to begin to tap while he continued talking

We started with the Basic Recipe and he began to talk, almost instantly stopping, taking a deep breath, and calming down. The crying stopped and he was able to explain clearly how he was feeling.

We paused for a moment and I asked him to check in with how he was feeling and to let me know what emotion he was feeling the most. “Abandonment,” he answered.

I then asked him the first time he recalled feeling that way. He remembered being in kindergarten and feeling like that when his aunt had to leave him for the first time after receiving him from his parents. I asked him to give me a SUD level and he was at a 10.

We began tapping again and he began to cry again. We just sat, silently tapping on our side of the hand point, then our crown, brow point, and so on, until I felt as though he was able to find a little more peace and calm–not wanting to push him but allow him to take the lead if he wanted and was ready.

He started talking about her leaving him and then him beginning to think something was going to happen to her and she wasn’t going to come back or, worse, die. I asked him to take a moment and check in with that feeling of her not coming back, or possibly passing away, and how he would score that. This was again a 10.

I asked him to repeat after me and we tapped together. I invited his aunt to tap along as well at this point, with the Setup Statements:

Even though I’m afraid she isn’t coming back, she might never come back, I know I’m a great amazing kid.
Even though she could die, she could never come back again, I know and believe I am worthy.
Even though I could be abandoned and left behind by her, she could die, I know and believe I’m a worthy amazing person.

We tapped through the Basic Recipe. John sat up straight and started to roll his neck around. I asked him to take a nice big deep breath, release that, sit within himself for a moment, and revisit that moment of him being left at school and her not coming back, and to let me know where his score was then. He told me he felt like he was at a 0, that he understood why at 5 he felt that way, but knows now she would never do that.

I asked him to take a moment, see her dropping him off at school, and where his SUD was now with that. He said he was at a 0 with that as well, but he still felt like he was at a 3 as far as her dying, and feeling scared of that happening before they could fix how things were now.

We again began to tap:

Even though I’m so scared of her dying, dying while I’m angry at her, I know and believe I’m an amazing person.
Even though she could die at any moment, right now even, I completely and deeply love and accept myself.
Even though I’m scared, really scared of her dying, I accept myself and who I am.

Bby the end of that round, he had stopped tapping on his own, released a heavy sigh, looked at his aunt, and said, “I’m not scared anymore, I’m not afraid you’re going to die, I don’t feel fear when I say it.”

I asked him to take another deep breath and to give me his score, which with the biggest deep breath, he replied, “Nothing, 0.”

John then explained to his aunt how hard it had been for him to go to her and tell her the truth, his truth of who he was, because his whole life he had always done exactly what he felt she wanted and expected of him, so she would never want to leave him.

I encouraged him to continue tapping while he was talking and his aunt started back up as well.

John expressed to her how when he finally did tell her, the way she reacted made him feel that feeling of abandonment more than he had in a long time, that he just wanted her to listen and love him, not understand it or try and come up with reasons why it’s wrong.

I asked him to tell me if he had to score this situation, what would he give this? He said he was at an 8. He started tapping before I even had to ask, closing his eyes, ready for our next Setup Statement, and the relief he knew was going to come. This almost stopped me in my tracks with an overwhelming emotion of how beautiful this process truly was, what he knew tapping was doing and giving to him.

Even though she didn’t respond in the way I wanted, even though she told me it was wrong, I still know deeply and completely that I’m an amazing beautiful person.
Even though her not loving me through this made me feel abandoned when I needed her most, I still love and accept who I am.
Even though she gave me all the reasons why who I am is wrong, I know and believe deeply and truly I am loved and worthy of that love.

We worked our way through this, tapping, crying, releasing until we came to the last side of the hand point where he tapped saying beautifully, “Even though she didn’t accept me, I accept me, I’m ok with who I am.”

John took a deep breath, sat with his eyes closed for a moment, with his aunt and I sitting quietly. He opened his eyes, laughed, and said, “It’s gone. I’m not mad, I’m not angry, I’m not afraid.” He looked and me and said how crazy this whole thing was, weird and crazy.

His aunt sat quietly for a moment and then expressed to John how sorry she was, that she allowed her own feelings to get in the way of a really huge thing that was happening to him and his life, and that she didn’t have to understand it or necessarily agree with his choices but that she loved him and would always love and be there for him. She apologized again, got up, and held him, both of them looking like a thousand pounds had been lifted off of their hearts and minds. At this point, they both started to laugh and told me how they couldn’t believe how differently they felt and how okay they were with the other’s opinions and decisions.

We didn’t know that night sitting down that it would turn into anything more than dinner, we didn’t know that night that we were about to tap our way into love and understanding, connecting two totally different people from two totally different worlds and ways of seeing it. Tapping gave the two of them a beautiful tool to use to slow down and truly listen to one another, to see the other person for who and where they are, and to be able to love and accept them just as they are, as well as being able to love and accept who they themselves are.