Dear EFT Community,
EFT practitioner, Silvia Hartmann, details questions to ask when using EFT that will point directly to the core issues involved. These questions can help remove any blocks that are preventing emotional healing with EFT.
-EFT Universe
By Silvia Hartmann
Certain emotional issues cannot be resolved until they are resolved in the right order and sequence.
A ship cannot leave a harbor successfully until the crew is on board, the anchor has been lifted, the ropes tying it to the quay released, and the engines switched on–and all of this needs to happen in the right order and sequence, or else the whole process simply goes nowhere.
My client, “Jerry” had a problem with public speaking.
Jerry would freeze up entirely when attempting to speak in public and described his sensations in these words, “It was as though there was a giant block between me and the people I am supposed to be talking to, like they are on the other side of a thick, high wall and I can’t reach them at all, can’t talk to them at all.”
He was telling me this because he had tried every form of EFT setup statement to get this “giant block” or “high wall” out of the way and it simply wouldn’t budge. The EFT tapping wasn’t working for him. There was no movement in his SUD Intensity level of stress–no matter how hard and how long he would tap.
I asked him, “Imagine for a moment if that wall wasn’t there, what would it be like trying to speak to a group of people?”
He went as white as a sheet, started to tremble visibly, and nearly stuttered as he said, “No, no I couldn’t stand the criticism!”
“Okay,” I said, “put it back as it was, quickly.”
He relaxed immediately, but was still shaken from the experience, which revealed that the wall was not the problem. A solution for the problem needed to be solved first before the wall could come down.
In general, when confronted with a problem that won’t budge, it is always useful to ask first:
“What would happen if this problem wasn’t there anymore?”
This brings up, as it did with Jerry, most likely two further or deeper problems to which the original problem may well have been the solution so far.
1. What you have or what has happened to make it impossible to NOT have the problem?
This includes bad memories, traumatic events and decisions, negative emotions such as fear/terror, expectations of failure and of bad outcomes, bad things you were told and you remember always, beliefs about genetic or character defects, etc.
2. What you don’t have but you need in order to be able to deal with these situations?
This usually includes all kinds of attributes such as strength and courage, talent, creativity, intelligence, good looks, the right ethnic origin, the right gender, the right connections, luck, God’ s support, or even a shining track record of previous successful attempts.
In Jerry’s case, what he did have was a number of very traumatic school experiences that had taught him it simply wasn’t safe to make contact with people in public situations, and lifelong beliefs about himself resulting from this.
We began tapping on the traumatic school experiences and once in a while, I would ask him about the wall and it was getting a little smaller. However, it still showed no sign of disappearing altogether. So we went to what he didn’t have–but needed–to make it safe for him to face a group of people and feel safe and confident in doing so.
He then told me that he didn’t have the strength and courage necessary to face the criticism and not fall apart.
We tapped on these separately:
“Even though I don’t have the strength to face angry people, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
This tapping statement led straight into a memory of an experience where he watched his father beat his mother and being too afraid to come to her aid with the thought, “I don’t have the courage to stand up to bullies.”
We tapped on:
“Even though I don’t have the courage to stand up to bullies, I deeply and completely accept myself.”
This tapping statement created a very emotional round of tapping and when that was done, the wall disappeared.
All that was left was his insecurity and a feeling that he didn’t have enough experience with public speaking; it had all stopped when his wall had been built all those years ago.
After our tapping session, Jerry went on to take part in a public speaking course to gain more experience in a safe environment to make up for this lost “practice time” and the wall never came back.
2 sure-fire questions to ask when an emotional problem seems to be stuck:
1. What do I have that makes this happen?
2. What don’t I have but is needed to end this problem/situation?
If you consider the order and sequence of the overall problem and its own ecology, there are sometimes other questions to help discover what needs to be done first before this can happen, such as:
“What do we need to do BEFORE you can release this problem?”
This question gets some very interesting answers from different people.
One client said, “I would have to promise to take care of myself much better if I was ever allowed to be in that situation again.”
This led to a subset problem group with its own aspects, and, as in the example with Jerry, once this was “out of the way,” the previously unmovable problem could be tapped away with total ease.
I find it fascinating how our mind-body systems can “switch off” the effectiveness of the EFT treatment if it’s deemed that by taking something away–a problem or more likely, a protective device–the person will be worse off than they were before. It can, however, “switch them back on” just as astonishingly quickly again when these very real reservations have been laid to rest.
