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EFT Tapping For Tackling Fear of Lost Confidence

Join us for the Bliss Brain international conference May 15-16, 2021!

By Tunde Makun

Julia (not her real name) presented with the issue of fear that she had lost her confidence. This was triggered by an event two nights before at a session with an EFT practitioner, during which she stated that the guy ripped her past from her chest. She was very angry that she had, in fact, let him. Here anger was at a SUD 10 level.

The significant aspects of the event were:

  • “I can feel my throat closing up with this black gluey lump, transmuting to being almost in my mouth” (SUD 8).
  • “He would pick up a cigarette, light it, smoke once, and I won’t see what he does with it anymore” (SUD 5).
  • “I still have this fear, making me feel like throwing up, just picturing his face” (SUD 9).

After two to four rounds of the Basic Recipe, the first two aspects went down to 0.

The third aspect had more emotional charge and so we used the Full Basic Recipe with the 9 Gamut technique over three rounds to get the SUD down to 0.

In the process, Julia recalled the connection to a childhood event when she was about 6 years old about how she would feel angry whenever her dad picked her up during the twice monthly visitation, because her parents had been divorced, in his pickup van for a trip to the park, smoking his white cigarette and never taking his roving eyes off the different women passing by.

The often-uncomplimentary comments about women irritated her so much that she made her dad change the word “woman” to “weather” to make her feel better. That was when she made the association of “the disproportionate attention to cigarette and other women” to mean that she didn’t really matter to her father.

Using the Tell the Story technique with the title “I didn’t matter” (SUD 4), with three rounds of the Basic Recipe, the SUD score on the title went down to 0, while a couple of aspects showed up. These included:

  • “I feel my gut wrenching, making me feel like wanting to throw up and run away” (SUD 9).
  • “My dad coming into my room with his friend. The feeling of them sitting on my bed, molesting me, and threatening to kill me if I told my mum, then living 80 miles away, anything” (SUD 10).
  • “My heart’s beating out of my chest while my dad is covering my mouth with his hands and telling me, ‘Shhh, you’ll be okay’” (SUD 9).

At this point, Julia felt that her dad, who had since passed away, actually “used her until there was something better” and owed her an explanation as to why she didn’t matter to him at that early stage of her life.

I asked if she would like to have a conversation with him for completion, even though he was no longer physically around anymore, to which she consented.

So we switched to the Unfinished Conversation technique. After a moment of reflection, she said, “He knows that he hurt me, and I want to tell him that I forgive him.” Some of her powerful exchanges with him that I captured included:

“I don’t know why you did what you did, and I now know your family hurt you and I know you’re sorry and you can’t take it back. Time and time, I said I forgive you, but you think you shouldn’t be forgiven. But tonight, I truly, for the first time in my life, forgive you. I feel it in my heart, and I want you to accept this forgiveness. You chased me in the dark, but it’s time for forgiveness. I feel love for you. And I forgive myself for letting you chase me all these years and for helping me make choices that has made me the compassionate BEING that I am now, knowing that I can never treat anyone like that. Without what happened, I doubt that I would be the person I am. With all these earthly feelings, I accept your love in return. I am giving all these feelings, butterflies, and guilt over to God. He can carry them….”

With further exchanges between them, she reported her dad’s response as: “He says he’s sorry and doesn’t want to be forgiven. He says he loves me. He finds it difficult, that’s why he’s been haunting me. He says he’s now at peace because I’m giving that forgiveness with all in me. He’s smiling, he’s tired, and he’s ready to go with love….”

“That was a great encounter,” she said at the end.

Some cognitive shifts showed up thereafter. Julia reported that her body never felt that way, feeling light, like she grew wider, with so much space in her chest, feeling free and expansive. “I don’t have to hide anymore. I don’t have to carry all that guilt and shame and fear. I didn’t know I could feel my light. I do now, which is good,” she said. “I know his parents hurt him and, for the first time, I was able to accept that, rather than that he should have known better.”

With this new state of being, we did the Quick Heart Coherence to help harmonize her feelings from this conversation and possibly send loving thoughts to her late dad. When we returned to the story from the neutral point and checked in on the various aspects, the SUD levels had gone down to between 0 and 1.

In testing with vivid imagination, walking through the session and the various scenes that gave her emotional charge, as well as asking pointed questions as to her encounter with her dad and their trips to the park, all the SUD levels remained at 0 to 1.

The session ended on a happy note, at the discovery of why for so long Julia had been unconfident and constrained with others, with Happy Tappy, using her own positive statement: “I feel free, not hidden. No longer hiding from the world, I’m confident in myself.” She ended with: “I can feel the love coming back. You’re so amazing. I feel overwhelming gratitude and I’m having a hard time finding that old memory. Feels like a weight has been removed.”

That was gratifying.

Final Thoughts

Was there any core issue underneath the presenting issue?

Yes. As Julia expressed at the beginning of the session, she’d had confidence issues with men over the years. She felt easily bullied by men who spoke in a strong tone. Besides, her initial strong disgust with the cigarette later showed the connection with her late dad. Before this session, she had never seen that association. Put together, the interpretation to her was that she didn’t matter.

Days after the session, Julia sent a message to confirm this and added that because of the childhood trauma with her dad, she’d indeed had issues with her marriage, which broke up years ago, and with guys generally over the years. She was so happy she uncovered that, feeling free and hopeful she could find love again.

Join us for the Bliss Brain international conference May 15-16, 2021!