Dear EFT Community,
Here, Amit Singh relates how tapping on the grief, upset, and guilt over the loss of her mother-in-law brought an end to VV’s migraines.
This single session healing of migraines was instructive because, as the session progressed, this vivacious young mother uncovered layers of unresolved stuff about her mother-in-law’s death that were causing her multiple issues.
VV had begun to suffer migraines soon after the death of her mother-in-law (MIL). She had enjoyed a close relationship with her. Even though they would have an occasional argument, they enjoyed their times together greatly–going out for snacks, lunches, shopping, temple visits, meeting friends and family, and recreational outings. They were a happy twosome and VV would also take her six-year-old daughter whenever possible.
VV’s MIL died within months after suddenly being diagnosed with stomach cancer. Her death was painful for VV, who nursed her during these final months and saw her decline, and then die. Now besides migraines, she also complained of losing confidence in herself in doing normal tasks like hosting a dinner, being with friends, and going out. Her teaching work was becoming stressful as well. She was also having dreams in which her MIL would say to her that she wants to come back and be with them, causing VV to feel a lot of fear. “What if she haunts us as a ghost?!”
When she came to see me, she was tentative about revisiting her painful memories. She accepted, however, that suppressing them was not helping either. As we began, she said she was at an 8 on a scale of 0 to 10 of sadness about her MIL. Most of all, she said, “I felt so helpless at not being able to help her.”
The MIL had been saying that she didn’t want to die and wanted to be around much longer to see her grandchild grow up. All this was very painful for VV. Initially we tapped about her sadness. It came down from an 8 to 6.
Then she revealed that she also felt guilt. About what? “I wish I had taken her to a doctor sooner when she used to complain of loss of appetite.” Being a strong-headed woman, however, the MIL had refused to see a regular doctor and was trying alternate medicines.
Even though I feel guilty about not taking her to a doctor sooner, I do realize it was, after all, her wish not to go and beyond a point I had to respect her wishes.
VV also brought up the fear that her sister-in-law might be holding her responsible for this because she had been asking her to take the MIL to a doctor for a long time. Are you afraid of losing this relationship or this blame? Both, said VV. We tapped on that, and her sadness and guilt were down to a 3-4.
Visualize your MIL’s face, I asked. “What do you see?” She said she could see her face, when she was very ill and crying out for some relief and sympathetic attention from her son.
I asked her, “Do you think you should feel sad for this loss? Do you think you have to miss her and that you can’t be happy, now that she is gone?” I seemed to have touched something tender there, but VV said it wasn’t so.
VV reported having dreams where her MIL is saying, “I will come back and be with you. I want to.” Some of these dreams would scare her. We tapped on that. As we tapped, I began to share with her the view of the Indian scriptures and wisdom literature about death, about a soul’s decision to be born and die at the appointed time; that no death is accidental or forced; that every transition is borne from choice even if it seems painful or against the person’s conscious wanting.
VV seemed soothed by this perspective, and said she was not feeling the fear now. (I had not taken a rating on her fear.) At this point, out of inspiration, as I continued to tap on various points of the main sequence, I asked her to close her eyes and recall her times together with her MIL.
Immediately, her lips began to quiver and she broke down. And at once she said she didn’t want to continue tapping. I suggested that this is a crucial moment when tapping might be most effective. Just keep tapping quietly, I suggested. It took us a couple of minutes or less for her to calm down.
I asked her to rate her feelings–sadness, guilt, upset, and so on. She said she was blank. No feelings. I asked her to picture her MIL’s face now. This time the face that came to her was of the time when VV got married. A happy radiant face of her MIL.
VV now reported feeling pretty fine overall. I asked her to recall her times with her MIL again, of her house and the furniture, of her picture that they have in the house. VV said there was a wee bit of sadness left, maybe a 2, and we tapped some more.
We had been in session for an hour or so. I asked her how she felt. VV said she was feeling very light. To test, I asked her to imagine again her time with her MIL, or bring her face up in her mind. She felt no negative feeling–0 out of 10.
As we concluded, VV remarked, “I didn’t think it would be this easy!”
In a follow-up two months later, here is what VV reported:
- Her migraines have almost completely stopped. Now she gets them only when she is too stressed, but these are more like a headache and not migraines.
- Her dreams and nightmares are gone.
- She remembers her MIL, sometimes wishing she was around to help share the load of keeping up the home, but there is no pain or grief.
- A secondary benefit has been that her stomach acidity that she use to have several times a week has gone down significantly.
- She is coping well with her lifestyle and feels energetic and confident in herself.